The Glorious Utopia of Conservatism

When Democrats lost in 2004, I was distraught about the future of liberalism (and, heck, even basic moderation) in America. Little did I know that I should have been jubilant.

So I have deduced from reading the latest from Mark Noonan and the guys at 'Blogs for Bush'... among the most devout of Bush cultists.

In addition to suddenly realizing that he hates congressional earmarks, expect the President to also soon develop a newfound love of the veto. On this note, Noonan cheers Bush on. After blaming the Democrats for all the congressional corruption of the past few years (everyone knows that people like Jack Abramoff, Bob Ney, Tom Delay, and others were just on George Soros and Michael Moore's payroll to sabotage Republicans, duh!), Noonan also expresses joy at the power that voters have handed to Republicans by kicking them into the minority.

He states that with their new political position "we [Republicans] can pretty much do whatever we want." Hooray for losing elections! He continues to state that their power "can be used to channel the really horrible Democratic initiatives"-- you know the ones that anywhere between 59-80% of the country supports-- "into the sorts of bills which, while they can be passed by Congress, won't be larded up with 'must-sign' stuff designed to allow the pork a free ride." Unlike, of course, the GOP Congress' well-known disdain for the practice of pork.

Noonan, who campaigned strongly for his party to win last month, now decrees that a minority is really what's best for Republicans. He concludes: "Seems like old times, to me: back to the days when a GOP President and the GOP Congressional minority ran rings around the Democrats."

Yep! That's the beauty of conservatism... you're always a winner!

Conservatives kicked ass in the midterm elections! After all, the liberal media kept telling us after the elections that the Democrats don't have a mandate and only won because they were conservative... or something. But, uh oh, here comes one of those dirty liberals to spoil the party with some of his reality-

...It wasn't all that long ago that Democrats and liberals were said to be out of touch with "the real America," which was defined as encompassing the states that voted for President Bush in 2004, including the entire South...

...Now the conventional wisdom sees Republicans in danger of becoming merely a Southern regional party. Isn't it amazing how quickly the supposedly "real America" was transformed into a besieged conservative enclave out of touch with the rest of the country? Now religious moderates and liberals are speaking in their own tongues, and the free-thinking, down-to-earth citizens in the Rocky Mountain states are, in large numbers, fed up with right-wing ideology...

...Suddenly economic inequality is a problem even conservatives are taking seriously. Corporate America is looked upon, let us say, in less heroic terms. Economic security is no longer a dirty phrase, and staunch capitalists aren't quite so eager to preach the virtues of "creative destruction" to displaced industrial workers. Government -- with some wariness, to be sure -- is being invited back into the economic story to redress grievances and to right imbalances...

But doesn't E. J. Dionne know? Conservatives never lose. Win elections, lose elections. It matters not. No matter what reality may bring, America is always a conservative nation that hates liberal losers and Democrats who, even in a congressional majority, are powerless to stop Conservatism (which, by the way, has now decided they are disappointed with the behavior of the now-defunct GOP Congress, deny any involvement with them, and promise that next time they'll even more conservative, which of course is better).

Obviously.