O'Really?

Bill'O writes about his Letterman appearance in his current article and spins it as proof of the culture war.

You can't get more moronic than this opening sentence...

Even though the war on terror dominates the headlines, the culture war in America is almost as intense.

Really? Between 2,000 and 3,000 American soldiers (not to mention tens of thousands of innocent civilians) have been killed in the culture war? Entire countries have been destabilized and infrastructure destroyed in the culture war? Half a trillion dollars of taxpayer money have been pissed away in the culture war? Sounds intense, Bill! Please tell me more!

I really think he believes it's a real war too. People like Bill'O have built up the 'culture war' in their minds as an epic historic struggle. They need this delusion to feed their belief that, despite conservatives controlling all three branches of government and their cable news channel being the highest rated, that they are a persecuted minority on the verge of extinction. It's up to Bill'O and the other pundit warriors to save America. In his mind, there is no difference between him ranting about Ludacris and a Marine running through a mine field outside Tikrit. But I suppose I shouldn't knock his dedication to this fake 'war'. It's the one war chickenhawk reactionaries like himself are willing to serve in.

Bill'O continues by defining the two sides in this war...

On one side you have traditionalists, people who believe the country was well founded, does mostly good things, and has become the most powerful nation on earth by adhering to Judeo-Christian principles like generosity, justice, and self-sacrifice. On the other side of the culture war are the secular-progressives who believe that the USA is fundamentally a flawed country, which has caused considerable misery both within and outside our borders. The S-P's want drastic change and a new direction for America.

Yes, thank Jebus for traditionalists like good ol' Bill'O. It's traditionalists like Bill'O who are protecting the right of Americans to sexually harass their employees and romance them with good ol' fashioned woo-ing like "So anyway, I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy, but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business." Very traditional and Judeo-Christian.

Bill'O also fights for the traditionalists who like to endorse terrorist attacks against cities whose politics he disagrees with.

He also fights for the traditionalists who believe that all this sympathy for the Iraqi people (the ones we 'liberated') is pussy stuff. Here's a traditional, Judeo-Christian statement from Bill'O two months before the Iraq war: "Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for the Iraqi people." ..... And here's another traditional rant on the same note, this one about two weeks after the war began: "There is a school of thought that says we should have given the citizens of Baghdad 48 hours to get out of Dodge by dropping leaflets and going with the AM radios and all that. Forty-eight hours, you've got to get out of there, and flatten the place. Then the war would be over. We could have done that in two days…. You flatten Baghdad, you flatten all the troops, we know where they go, there's nowhere to hide in the desert. We know where everybody's moving. And you know as well as I do, this war could have been over in two days…. It's just frustrating for everybody to know that we have been fighting this war with one hand behind our back."

Yes, if only more of us were like Bill'O, this country would truly be a Norman Rockwell painting.

He concludes his column...

By far more important is the wake up call many late night viewers got. We in America are becoming a deeply divided country along cultural lines. The more we all understand what the issues are, the better. The culture war is real, and now everybody that watched Letterman that evening knows it.

Really? I thought they saw you smacked down by a guy whose show involves stupid pet tricks. PWNED.

Better luck next time, Bill'O.