Victory in Iraq: HELP WANTED

Wanna make $1 billion dollars?

All you need to do is come up with a plan to stabilize Iraq.

The United States Agency for International Development is seeking applications (see FedGrant.gov) for a new grant called the "Strategic City Stabilization Initiative". It is an unrestricted grant, open to "any type of entity". Non-humans, take note. The purpose of the grant is, basically, to stabilize 10 major Iraqi cities in an effort to defeat the insurgency. If the 'insurgency' even exists, that is; they're waiting to hear back from Rumsfeld on that. Anyway, the grant description:

The United States Agency for International Development is seeking applications for an Assistance Agreement from qualified sources to design and implement a social and economic stabilization program impacting ten Strategic Cities, identified by the United States Government as critical to the defeat of the Insurgency in Iraq. The number of Strategic Cities may expand or contract over time. USAID plans to provide approximately $1,020,000,000 over two years to meet the objectives of the Program. An additional option year may be considered amounting to $300 million at the discretion of USAID. Funds are not yet available for this program.

Wowza.

Which page of President Bush's detailed National Strategy For Victory document was this covered in?

I guess that's Bush's plan- Outsourcing - To pay someone, anyone, to come up with a plan. But not the Iraqis; I mean why should they determine the fate of their 'democracy'? And why a new program at all? Will we be in Iraq that much longer? Aren't things going well? Aren't we making progress? We're staying the course... and it's a good course. But I suppose it doesn't hurt to have a plan B. A billion dollar plan B. Conceived by the best 'entity' money can buy. Glad those thrifty Republicans not only have money for wartime tax cuts, but for projects like this too. Guess all our domestic problems are solved! And here I thought the Democrats were supposedly the ones who like to 'throw money at the problem'. Another stereotype reversed.

But if money's being given out, I want in.

Here's my proposal, all who want to join in on it with me are welcome. The plan is to pull a Halliburton and spend as little of the money on reconstruction as possible, and then "lose" the rest... right into our bank accounts! Ka-ching! War rocks!

The proposal:
My proposal is to just give the White House what they really want and rename the country "Iraqaburton". Control of the country will be handed over to a certain top defense contractor (to be determined without bid later). In exchange for laying down arms, insurgents will be granted amnesty and be given jobs (no pay, of course) rebuilding the country that they, and we, destabilized. They will be divided up into groups and redirected to the 10 key cities where they will be in charge of rebuilding the nation's damaged infrastructure, paving new roads, and pumping the country's oil into U.S. tankers where it will be transported to the United States for 'safe keeping'. As the country rebounds, the citizens of Iraqaburton will also be offered similar jobs (possibly for some pay, we'll see how much is left after we "misplace" some funds). The rest of the world will watch with 'shock' and 'awe' at this amazing, historic reconstruction. Iraqaburton will serve as a shining example to the rest of the Middle East of what the U.S. has to offer.

Let me know if you want in. We'll be so rich, we can buy Duke Cunningham a second yacht.